Extra Slipp'ry

Fried Chicken and boating is not a good idea.  You think a boat is dangerously slippery before you got a handful of extra-crispy coating caked across your digits, you ain’t seen NOTHING yet.

Royal Flush?

The first thing I do when I go to a hotel room is check the bathroom.  And I don’t think I’m alone here. It’s a quick slide across the bed, a sneak peak out the window and then its straight to the bathroom.  Like I’m expecting some kind of gold-plated new toilet design.  Some extravagant, op-art toilet design that’s hidden from the world and is only featured in MY hotel. Whether it’s a motel 6 or the Ritz Carlton it’s always just a regular old Bemis toilet bowl with a regular old toilet paper dispenser with regular old toilet paper that does the same DAMN thing.

The Dumb Hawk

I saw a hawk circling at the airport the other day.  So what exactly is that guy thinking? What kind of mouse or squirrel is going to be scurrying out in the middle of a runway?  Let’s put it this way, he was a very thin hawk.  And not the brightest flyer out there.  Take a hawk in your engines and you’re not going anywhere.

Heat Wins

There are, however, some simple ways to combat the heat.  And lazy people fight the biggest battles.  See, they don’t do anything.  They sit there.  They don’t rock. Don’t fan themselves.  They find a shade tree and get out of the sun.  They get themselves a tall glass of water and sit there.  Shade tree.  Not to be confused with any other leafy tree during the Summertime.

Seat's Taken

You can have a thousand seats in a theater, get their earlier than anyone, and still the first place someone decides to sit is directly in front of you.  No questions asked.  And most of the time their heads are about the size of Texas.  Yep, big fat mellon headed bastards that will always sit right in front of you. 

Same applies on a subway train.  Empty car.  And the first guy on comes and sits next to you.  Same with Church.